Past Most Wanted

Luke Skywalker - The killer farm-boy
10-30-99

30th November, 1999 
Prasad reporting

Anakin Skywalker
Deadbeat Dad to Darth Lord of Sith

        Anakin Skywalker (AKA Darth Vader, AKA The Dark Lord of Sith, AKA Little orphan Annie) lived the hard knock life.  He never knew a father and was forced to gamble so he could bring in funds.  He was a big name player of the Tatooine circuit and because of it he became a no good scruffy looking nerf herder.
Skywalker made his first murder attempt at the tender age of 9.  He was racing the honest and good Sebulba.  The Dug had been a champion and a fierce competitor.  Anakin could not stand this.  He was hate-filled and
despised being second.  The boy pulled a few sneaky tricks and tried to kill the good racer, fortunately he was not successful, but unfortunately he won the race.
Winning the race bolstered the boy's ego.  He thought he was "King of the World".  He felt as if he was better than Tatooine and his mother. Skywalker remembered a Jedi who said he had a starship, this gave the boy a
plan.  Knock off the Jedi and take the ship.  Right before he ran away from home, he called in an old buddy of his name Maul.  Reports say the Conversation was something like this:

Anakin: "Eh, Maul buddy, pal you remember me don't you I'm the one that's
gonna get your job. But anyway we's gots a small problem in the Jedi area, I
wasa a wonderin if you could. I dunno, do that thing you do, you know the
lightsaber thing.
Maul: "At last I shall have my revenge!"
Anakin: "Uh yeah but man we gotta talk, that teeth thing, it's just not
workin..so lets make a deal?"
Maul: "Yesssss"
Anakin: "If you take care of those Jedi you know what I'll do for you.. I'll
give you a tube of Crest.  You know the kind you like, with the Sparkles in
'em"
Maul: "YESSSSSSSS!"

Maul delivered but when he learned he had been cheated and would not receive the dental care he longed for, he decided life was not worth living. After that conversation authorities believe the boy spent the next 10-12 years wasted away on one bad spice trip after another.  He began to create a problems once again with his first governmental overthrow (remember this kiddies we'll come back to it later!).  He supposedly teamed up with some guy and decided the world was not enough. Skywalker is also wanted for 35 years of unpaid alimony and two counts of child neglect and abuse.   He supposedly met his illegitimate son one-day and the meeting did not go well.   It was a rather awkward situation for both of them and neither was eager to stay there too long, so with out so much of a good bye they parted ways.  Anakin is also said to have a daughter, whose presence he never acknowledged.
Anakin, who by this point was referred to as The Dark Lord of Sith Darth Vader, was a senior most official in his benevolent dictatorship.  The problem was he felt he was not getting the money he deserved so decided to pull another governmental overthrow (I told you we'd come back to it ;).  He allegedly threw his boss over a ledge and then faked his death.
Oh yeah and along the way he killed a few Jedi.

Skywalker is suspected to be one armed and highly dangerous.  Sources say he likes to wear black and has a chronic breathing problem.  If he is spotted please inform either the appropriate authorities or one of the Emperor's 99 clones.