Poodoo HUMOR

27th February, 2000 
Praysad reporting

Princess Leia
Princess to Pain in the neck!

        Princess Leia Organa Skywalker Solo (say that three times fast) is one of the fiercest criminals in the galaxy.  She must be stopped at all costs!  She was been behind some of the greatest injustices in history and as long as she is free no evil dictator is safe.

The Princess, as she is called, was raised on the weapon-free world of Alderaan.  Here she committed her first crime by assuming the title "Princess" with out rightfully being born into the thrown.  This travesty went unnoticed for years, and during that time Leia played the role of The Princess perfectly.  She soon grew sick of living on a world that banned weaponry so she decided to blow it up (ironic isn't it).  She decided to call in a few favors and got in touch with her estranged father who had some political power. The two worked out a plan and that night The Princess stole her "daddy's" precious ship the Tantive IV and set off for the rendezvous point.

The plan was going with out a hitch so she decided to finish the one thing Darth Vader had not been able to do -Kill Obi-Wan.  She called in the help of an assassin droid and sent information to lure Kenobi out into the
wretches of space so that her "dark father" could finish his deeds.

In the meantime she was accosted by the ever charming Grand Moff Tarkin.  When the kind old man asked the vixen where the "rebel base was" she could easily have gone along with plans and said Alderaan but her evil mind could not pass up the opportunity for destruction.  She cried out the first planet that came to mind just to see how much damage could be done.  She would later be disappointed to learn that only one of her two mass destruction attempts had succeeded, this failure haunted her for the rest of her life.

She lived the next few days in a haze due to unknown drugs in the "interrogator droid" or more commonly referred to as Sgt. Pepper.  Then one day as she lay passed out a farm boy approached her and said he was going to rescue her.  She knew that her plan to destroy Obi-Wan was in danger so she stalled the party from escaping as much as possible; she did everything she could including putting her own life in danger in a trash compactor.  But The Princess could rest easy that night knowing that her evil plot had worked and Kenobi was dead.

The Princess aligned herself with a band of scoundrels and continued traveling the galaxy and leaving a trail of destruction behind her.  She did everything from seeing that Impirial property was defaced and/or destroyed
to seeing that her brother lost his hand to seeing that the man she loved was frozen for a year in Carbonite (sadistic little wench isn't she!).

Perhaps the most heinous crime she committed though was the brutal murder of diplomat and kind entrepreneur Jabba the Hutt.  She disguised herself as one of his dancers and when he did not know it she choked every bit of air out of the poor creature.

Since then she has been on a political campaign the galaxy over to gain ultimate supremacy for her terrorist alliance.  Do not approach her alone, under any circumstances, unless you are a nice man or have a death wish. She is gaining power daily so therefore she must be stopped.  It is thought that all it will take is a band of no good scruffy looking nerf herders to stop her reign of terror.